Romans 12:9-21

We’re continuing today with the series that we began last week called “No Easy Answers.” In these messages we’re looking at some critical issues of faith interacting with real life.  I was very excited to hear so many thoughtful responses to last week’s message on Forgiveness. One suggestion that I heard (from three different people) is going to lead to a part five in this series. That will be dealing with the issue of ‘How Can I Forgive Myself?’ Apparently that is a significant issue for many. So, that likely will be the weekend of Feb. 2 – 3. 

I made a distinction last week between forgiving and reconciliation.  What I suggested was that forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same thing, and that real forgiveness can happen without a relationship being restored. (When a relationship is restored, God is glorified, but in real life that doesn’t always happen.) 

Here’s how we defined forgiveness: forgiveness means ultimately ‘giving’ God the right to enact justice in a given situation. In offering my forgiveness I am saying to someone who has hurt or offended me in some way that I am going to leave the moral and eternal consequences of that act to God. 

That kind of movement as we saw, sets us free by releasing us from the bondage of our anger, our desire for revenge, our bitterness, all of which on a sustained basis severely hurts our quality of life and even our health.  But something that doesn’t happen automatically in forgiveness is the restoration of a relationship.  That could be the next step. One more quote from last week’s message: 

“You don’t have to be best friends with someone that you have forgiven.  On the other hand, it is a tremendous testimony to the outworking of grace when that kind of thing does happen.” 

That last sentence is going to be our starting point for this evening/ morning. “It is a tremendous testimony to the outworking of grace when that kind of thing (i.e., the restoration of a relationship) does happen.” 

Relationships that survive testing, relationships that grow out of great differences (and develop in spite of continued significant differences) are truly a tremendous testimony to the outworking of Grace.  But I am convinced that the flow – the current – of today’s society is moving powerfully in the opposite direction. Reconciliation with someone with whom we are having conflicts is never easy, but I have a strong feeling that our culture is leaning more and more toward ‘Why bother?’ 

If someone offends you – society says, it’s OK to just write them off. If you have a conflict with a friend, the easy solution is to find other friends. Walk away. Cut your losses. Family members, neighbors, co-workers - it doesn’t matter – make a shun list, I don’t deal with that person anymore, and the culture says: “It’s ok!” Just don’t have anything to do with the people that you can’t get along with. It’s as simple as that!  Or is it? 

A study conducted by the National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago, released in June of 2006, revealed that this cultural change may be more than a ‘feeling’ that I have. In fact, this study says, Americans today have fewer people they can confide in than past generations.

In 1985, the average American had three people in whom to confide matters that were important to them. In 2004, that number dropped to two. Perhaps even more striking, the number of Americans with no close friends rose from 10 percent in 1985 to 24.6 percent in 2004[1].

That is a sad statistic, indicating to me, that people are drifting apart. And I’m convinced that one reason for this (among many, certainly) is our lack of skills in knowing what to do in situations where there is conflict. How do we get along? Can we get along?

We don’t need to hear the results of opinion polls to know that there are many lonely people in our world today. We see it. We all know that there are many burned bridges in our world left in the wake of incidents that in retrospect often seem rather trivial if we can remember them at all!

In a culture that increasingly puts emphasis on our personal rights, we can more and more easily identify when we’ve been ‘dissed’ – passed over, offended, neglected, dismissed, embarrassed -  but we are woefully inadequate at rebuilding relationships that have been torn apart in anger or hurt, or in simply figuring out how to get along with people who are not exactly like ourselves, and yet in whose company we find ourselves on a regular basis – be it school, work, family, or the church.

Just this past week in the Courier Post there was a column called “At Work” by Andrea Kay entitled “Want to know a hot skill? Playing well with others”.  In the beginning of this article Kay point out how people typically come to her with questions like “what is the hot career? and such.  She says, that’s not a good question because the answer changes all the time, and the hot career for you is the one that is fulfilling and challenging for you.

A better question she says, is “What are the hot skills?” and at the top of her list for 2008… here are her words:

“.. is a skill that few have mastered, yet every employer desires. No matter what your field, no matter how large or small your company, whether you work with people, products or ideas, whether you are 25 or 55, you need to do this well this year and for many to come: Play well with others…most people stink at this, in part because few think about what it really means.”[2]

We’re as current as this week’s newspaper!

One of the central values of the early church, if you take Jesus and the Apostle Paul’s words at face value, is the unity of God’s people. (Which is one aspect of ‘getting along’, wouldn’t you say?) On the last night of his life, Jesus prayed an extensive, detailed prayer for the unity of the future church. He said, (John 17)

“I am praying not only for these disciples but also for all who will ever believe in me through their message. I pray that they will all be one, just as you and I are one—as you are in me, Father, and I am in you. And may they be in us so that the world will believe you sent me.”

Our unity, apparently, is one of the convincing factors making our proclamation of the Good News to the world effective.

So Paul commands us in Romans 12:16 – “live in harmony with each other”, which literally translates as “be of the same mind one toward another.” So many passages in the New Testament deal with relationships that this entire sermon could be simply reading Scripture – not surprising since the Gospel is lived out through our relationships with others, particularly in our relationships with those souls who are hard to get along with! With those who have offended us, or hurt us, with those who are different from us, those who are hard to deal with for whatever reason.

And, yes, it is a wonderful testimony to the grace of God when reconciliations happen. When we get beyond our external and temporary differences and deal with each other with respect and honor, humility, servant hood, and love God is made known to the world. 

Just as Jesus set the example for us to do, and prayed would happen. And yet, there are "over 33,000 Protestant denominations" in the world today and every year there is a net increase of nearly 300 new denominations.[3]  So, apparently it’s hard for us! 

Quite a few people are convinced that it’s easier to quit a relationship than it is to work out problems.  The current flows in this direction within the church as well, and I think that one reason for that is we have not learned good skills to do this, and maybe we haven’t had good role models creating an expectation of reconciliation. There is certainly room for improvement! 

Let’s read our Scripture now:  instead of listing many different Scriptures, I thought we would just focus on one today. And this one I chose because it is full of practical wisdom that grows from a very basic understanding of what it means to be a child of God in the real world. 

And we’re going to look at this on the screen as well. Romans 12:9 – 21

⁹ Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. ¹⁰ Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. ¹¹ Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically. ¹² Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying. ¹³ When God’s people are in need, be ready to help them. Always be eager to practice hospitality. ¹⁴ Bless those who persecute you. Don’t curse them; pray that God will bless them. ¹⁵ Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep. ¹⁶ Live in harmony with each other. Don’t be too proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don’t think you know it all! ¹⁷ Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. ¹⁸ Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone. ¹⁹ Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say,
   “I will take revenge;
      I will pay them back,” says the Lord.
 ²⁰ Instead,
   “If your enemies are hungry, feed them.
      If they are thirsty, give them something to drink.
   In doing this, you will heap
      burning coals of shame on their heads.”
 ²¹ Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good.
If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 

Now this is a series of statements which collectively make up some pretty good advice as far as our living in harmony with others.  “Hate what is wrong” – that, for example, is a powerful statement because we can’t assume that the ‘wrong’ is in everybody else! That requires self-examination. And later he says, “Don’t think you know it all, either.”  Because we don’t!

Forgiveness, grace, compassion, mercy – all these Biblical attributes are covered in these few verses. So they are worth studying. I hope you take some time to meditate on them this week. But I want to look at them as a whole and, since we’re trying to be practical in this series, think about how we might be capable of actually living like this.  How can we do this?

First of all, let’s change the view and look at this passage as a list of behavioral suggestions (or commands, whichever works best for you!)

[On Screen]

Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them.
Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good.
Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.
Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically.
Rejoice in our confident hope.
Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying.
When God’s people are in need, be ready to help them.
Always be eager to practice hospitality.
Bless those who persecute you. Don’t curse them; pray that God will bless them.
Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep.
Live in harmony with each other.
Don’t be too proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people.
And don’t think you know it all!
Never pay back evil with more evil.
Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable.
Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.
Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say,
Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good.
If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 

Now, last Summer we did another sermon series based on Galatians 5: 22 – 23 (The Fruit of the Spirit).  Let me refresh your memory on that: 

“But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control…

    Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives. 

You might remember that we added one more item to that list from Ephesians 4:2, humility. 

 Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. 

Take those ten basic characteristics… ten  character traits that are supposed to show up in our lives when we are living under the influence – under the control – of the Holy Spirit. 

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control, and humility… are you with me? 

Look at this: back to the Romans 12 passage: 

Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them.
(There’s the spiritual fruit of )   Love 

Look at the next one:

Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good.
That’s       Goodness 

Next, is

Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.
That’s a good description of  Gentleness 

And you know what, you can go right down this list and match them up one by one… 

Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically.                                 Faithfulness

Rejoice in our confident hope.                                                                                      Joy      

Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying.                                                                   Patience

When God’s people are in need, be ready to help them.                                               Kindness

Always be eager to practice hospitality.                                                                       Kindness

Bless those who persecute you. Don’t curse them; pray that God will bless them. Gentleness

Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep.                          Kindness

Live in harmony with each other.                                                                                  Self-Control

Don’t be too proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people.                                      Humility

And don’t think you know it all!                                                                                   Humility

Never pay back evil with more evil.                                                                              Goodness

Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable.                                 Goodness

Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.                                                        Peace

Dear friends, never take revenge…                                                                              Self-Control

Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good.                                          Goodness

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.           Peace/ Self Control 

The point here is that this is all not too terribly complicated.  The Holy Spirit – through The Fruit of the Spirit – is what enables us to live in harmony with each other.  I heard someone say recently something like this: the closer we grow to God, the closer we grow to others. 

Now, that sounds like an ‘easy answer’ which we promised we wouldn’t give you in this series. But I’d making a distinction between simple and easy.  That’s a simple statement but it’s not easy. Growing closer to God requires discipline. It requires our self surrender; the putting aside of our egos and our own personal agendas and taking on the mind of Christ. As the Fruit of the Spirit is develops, we increase in our ability to get along with others. 

And the Fruit of the Spirit is what enables us to get beyond the externals, to see the value in another person… the Spirit himself gives us the desire to forgive and to love and to serve others, because we know that this is what Jesus came to give to us

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